I know what you're thinking: Don Johnson's "Heartbeat"? Are you for real? (Actually, what you're probably thinking is Don Johnson's "Heartbeat"? What the fuck? But I took the liberty of cleaning up your thoughts for you.)

Well, ever since I started this new Agonizer section where I can post short articles, I've been jonesing to do an in-depth review of a short piece of film. Like, say, a music video. And what music video could possibly be worse than Don Johnson's "Heartbeat"?

"It looks like Heidi Montag figured she could sing, and has released a song and video entitled 'Higher'. I suspect it's terrible, but I've already seen 'My Humps', so how bad could this be?"

In the wealthiest nation on earth. At the end of an era. When heroes had all but vanished. And the world waited for change. Television brought us greatness. One show made us all believers again. That show was Seinfeld. This is Cop Rock. It was horrible.