California Supreme Court Wants Us All To Know Stephen Glass Is Totally Racist

California Supreme Court Wants Us All To Know Stephen Glass Is Totally Racist

Did you want to read the California Supreme Court’s opinion that lawsplains at you forever why Stephen Glass, who showed us all how to spin a bright shining lie into a New Republic career, cannot be a lawyer there? No you do not, but you totally want to read our summary of it, because we went to all the trouble of reading the thing. Besides, when is the last time you let yourself remember Glass’s greatest hits of journalistic malpractice, which were legion and, to be honest, really impressive in their scope and breadth? If Glass had worked half as hard on writing as he did on faking, he would probably be running Wonkette right now. OK, that’s a lie because Stephen Glass probably does not know how to make a good dick joke or a ridiculous neologism, but you know what we mean.

Some lucky clerks at the California Supremes got to write a rundown of all Glass’s malfeasance, which is why the opinion is so very long. Did you remember that besides just stone cold making shit up, Glass also made sure to be a tawdry little racist about it? You probably forgot, so let the California Supremes take you on a trip down memory lane.

Taxis and the Meaning of Work […] was Glass’s first cover article and one he viewed as “key” to his successful period of writing for The New Republic. Its theme was that Americans, and in particular, African-Americans, were no longer willing to work hard or to take on employment they consider menial. The article falsely recounted as factual a supposed encounter between Glass and three entirely fabricated characters, one a limousine driver, one a taxi cab driver, and one a criminal. The limousine driver was depicted as an African-American man who had driven a cab at one time, but now drove a limousine instead because he was “sick of those curry people” and found that limousines attracted beautiful women, or, in the purported words of the driver, gave him “the woo quotient.” The author went on to say that he had been permitted to ride along for journalistic purposes with a taxi driver of Middle Eastern descent. The article recounted that the driver stopped for a young African-American passenger — “the type of fare Imran would normally refuse” but felt he had to accept because of nearby police observation. The article describes the pounding music audible from the young fare’s headphones, and claims that as they neared his destination, the young African-American man threatened the driver with a knife, hurled coarse abuse at him, and took his wallet.

That is not a nice thing to pretend at all!! That is a weird fucked-up thing to make up! And yes, yes, we remember he made up terrible things about young conservative activists as well, and that is also maximum fucked up!

Did you want to remember more fucked up things Stephen Glass did, but you still do not feel up to reading one million law words? Consider re-watching the Stephen Glass biopic starring Anakin Skywalker!

Stephen Glass would like you to forget about all these things because Stephen Glass is very very sorry and would very much like to be a lawyer because he is totally trustworthy now and well past being a weaselly fabulist who made it incredibly difficult for the New Republic to sort out all the shit he made up. Did you remember that Stephen Glass was in law school DURING the time he was making shit up for the New Republic and anyone else who would give him a byline? Us neither!

Big bad mean New York was the first state to break Little Stephen’s heart, telling him he could not be a lawyer even though he’d graduated from Georgetown.

Glass applied to become a member of the New York bar in 2002, but withdrew his application after he was informally notified in 2004 that his moral character application would be rejected. In the New York bar application materials, he exaggerated his cooperation with the journals that had published his work and failed to supply a complete list of the fabricated articles that had injured others.

Oooh. Now see, Stephen, as anyone who ever applied to the bar in any state can tell you, you never ever ever omit things from your list of misdeeds. Yr humble correspondent literally fretted for WEEKS over the fact that I could not remember the date of a speeding ticket and therefore might inadvertently be lying to the bar about the thing. Throw yourself on the mercy of the fucking court, kid.

Did Stephen learn his lesson and come completely clean when he started begging California to let him ply his trade there? Sure didn’t!

Glass passed the California bar examination in 2006 and filed an application for determination of moral character in 2007. It was not until the California State Bar moral character proceedings that Glass reviewed all of his articles, as well as the editorials The New Republic and other journals published to identify his fabrications, and ultimately identified fabrications that he previously had denied or failed to disclose. In the California proceedings, Glass was not forthright in acknowledging the defects in his New York bar application.

We shake our head sadly at you, Stephen. You do not get to practice law, but you did achieve something notable in the law, which is to behave in such an egregious fashion that a normally staid-sounding state Supreme Court drops the niceties and just straight up calls you out.

Glass’s deceit also was motivated by professional ambition, betrayed a vicious, mean spirit and a complete lack of compassion for others, along with arrogance and prejudice against various ethnic groups. In all these respects, his misconduct bore directly on his character in matters that are critical to the practice of law.

Stephen Glass, you have clearly always wanted to be somebody, whether you deserved it or not. Now, you’ve achieved that goal, and you’re entirely worthy of it: you’re the guy that is too vicious, mean-spirited, and lacking in compassion to be a lawyer. A LAWYER. Good going, kid.

You may also like...

  • DaveMuckey

    Yet still, Orly Taitz, Queen of the Birthers, continues to keep her law license. At least we now have some proof that the California Bar still exists.

    • merl1

      She must have told the truth when the question on the application was: Are you batshit insane?

    • champain

      Well, the courtroom gets a little boring now and then, and you do need some comedic relief……..

  • $160578

    Nothing quite like the karma in paying for a law school degree and not being able to use it because you’re such a douche, even lawyers find you slimy and repellent.

  • Mojopo

    There are so many openings for lawyer jokes here, and I dare not take one. Stephen Glass is A TERRIBLE (neologism here). That is all, the end. Ugh.

  • docterry6973

    Surely the man has earned some Wingnut Welfare. Hasn’t the Heritage Foundation snapped him up yet?

  • Farb

    Wait, there are a lot of lawyers who are low bottom-feeders. This guy already has a head start, and he never once defended a mobster, raped an intern, or paid off a judge! Just think of the great future he might have had in law with all that talent and no character at all to have to flush away with coke and alcohol! He might be judge material, if he buys a hand gun and waves it at someone.

  • Respiteini

    Wait, if a brand-new made up word is a neologism, does that mean the act of creating such a word is neologizzing? This is important.

  • Look at that cast in Shattered Glass – it’s the cast of Boys Don’t Cry MINUS Hilary Swank PLUS Steve Zahn and Hank Azaria. How did I never see this?

  • hippie1367

    With a resume like this his only hope is politics – even the lawyers won’t douch him with a dookie stick

  • I’ve been trying to find an excuse to use the word “fabulist” in my writing for a while now.

  • One of the more interesting aspects to this story is that Christensen was actually watchable in a movie.

  • James McCarty Yeager

    here and i thought weaselly fabulist was part of the definition of a lawyer…

  • Roket

    Ted Cruz/Stephen Glass 2016. A match made in heaven.

  • DeSwiss

    I think he can get a license in Grenada.

  • Deleted

    This post was deleted.

  • willi0000000

    the bars of NY and CA did it now. they went over the one-in-a-row limit.[well, there’s always Kansas]

  • speaking of careers gone awry, this movie reminded me that george lucas is just a terrible terrible director for actors. hayden christensen was quite delightfully accomplished in this.

  • Tom_Has_Doubts

    “The woo quotient.”

  • Charles Wolf

    Glass’s deceit … betrayed a vicious, mean spirit and a complete lack of compassion for others, along with arrogance and prejudice against various ethnic groups.Sounds like a Natural Born Republikan.