Buy Us This Damien Hirst-Alexander McQueen Scarf So We Can Wrap The Finest Dead Things Round Our Neck
You know who is the greatest artiste? Damien Hirst is the greatest artiste. Why, he is so great an artiste that in our past life as a professional art criticker (for true) we saw his vivisected cow and his glass box filled with rotting meat and maggots at the Brooklyn Museum’s blockbuster “Sensation,” and we only wanted to punch him in the throat forever! This is, you will agree, the kind of emotion artistes live to evoke. And we aim to please!
And that is why you simply must buy us this $630 scarf on which he collaborated with Alexander McQueen. It’s available November 15 at alexandermcqueen.com, and if you buy it for us, we promise to sell it to an asshole, go down to Skid Row, and give all the money to the first crackheads we see. Which, considering Los Angeles’s Skid Row, is going to be in a negative unit of time.
Dead butterflies? Skulls? We’d rather stick some rhinestones on it and pretend it’s Ed Hardy. In fact, we would rather go on a double date with the fat ex-husband from Jon & Kate Plus Eight, with Ed Hardy and the slutty girl who is divorcing the old guy from Lost, WHILE WEARING MATCHING ED HARDY, ALL FOUR OF US, than wear this scarf.
But please, don’t let that stop you from buying it for us.