Buy Katy Perry’s Regal New Perfume Or She Will Murder You

So Katy Perry, who I actually quite like musically (BECAUSE SHUT UP AND THAT’S WHY), has released a fragrance. I am perfectly aware that this is A Thing that celebrities do now. Taylor Swift has like one million of them, I think. Katy Perry does not seem to be loving her perfume in a gentle your-windsong-stays-on-my-mind sort of way. She seems to either be terrified of the concept, turning the whole thing into a disturbing art piece, or is getting ready to cut a bitch.

Katy Perry "Killer Queen" Fragrance Launch at Douglas Parfumerie Store in Berlin on September 25, 2013

Do you want to buy perfume from this lady? No you do not, but you probably would because she might murder you in your sleep if you don’t. Sadly, the Daily Mail already made the joke I really hope I would have thought of about this outfit:

She finished off her look with some black shoes, her hair tied in plaits over her scalp and some gothic make-up.

Perry looked confident in the get-up despite looking like an overgrown version of Wednesday from the Addams Family, as she smiled for the cameras, showing off her co-ordinating red lips.

“Confident” is not exactly the term I would have chosen for the pic above, actually. “Homicidal” maybe. Maybe this was a glitch and a bad photo day and the commercial will be much less weird? HAHA of course not!

She’s Marie Antoinette! Oh wait she is not, because she is Liberated and Shocking and she is wearing the crown but in a sassy way. The slogan for the perfume is “Own the Throne.” So it smells like…Victory? Rebellion? A Coup d’etat? A toilet? Oliver Cromwell? I do not think I want to smell like Oliver Cromwell. Are these things that ladyish-type-people want to smell like? I do not know, but I’ll probably buy this perfume anyway just so as to not get killed dead by Katy Perry.

[Photo by PR Photos]

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  • FauxAntocles

    Bitchez be crazee!

  • x111e7thst

    The Xanax will keep her from acting on her desire to kill. Probably

  • Mojopo

    Smells like cherry Chapstick, gardenias and John Mayer’s spunk. Booyah!

    • $73376667

      I really don’t want to know why you know what John Mayer’s spunk smells like, but ZOMG I HAVE TO KNOW!!11!!1

  • $73376667

    “The peasants are revolting!”

    • x111e7thst

      They have no fashion sense and they smell terrible

  • docterry6973

    I too like Katy Perry, although that pic does not show her to good advantage. Either of her good advantages.

  • SullivanSt

    That wave. It reminds me of something. Can’t quite place it. Village of the Damned, maybe?

  • natl_[redacted]_cmdr

    “Let them drink perfume.”

  • Annie Towne

    What an odd girl.

  • Callyson

    ANOTHER fucking celebrity fragrance? YAWN.