“Bad” ideas being pitched in Hollywood right now
With Bad Moms hauling in $113 million on a $20 million budget, the just-announced spin-off Bad Dads took more brain cells to spell than pitch.
It’ll join a growing list of raunchy comedies following the Mad Libs-esque Bad ________ titling convention, riding the dubious coattails of Bad Santa, Bad Teacher, Bad Grandpa, and even TV’s failed Bad Judge.
Since Hollywood studios aren’t known for their originality, it won’t probably surprise you to learn there are dozens of other Bad movies being pitched right now. Such as…
Bad Facebook Friend
Jonah Hill and Channing Tatum reunite as a charming doofus and dunderheaded Adonis who end up Facebook friends through a mutual super-hot female acquaintance that they’ve both fallen for. But Channing sucks at Facebook, liking her post about her grandfather’s funeral, still sending Farmville requests, slapping private messages on people’s walls, and posting Taylor Swift lyrics. Ultimately, Jonah takes pity, turning into a 21st century Cyrano de Bergerac and getting Channing laid not only by the object of their affection but by half the Western hemisphere. In a twist, it turns out that none of the women gave a shit about Channing/Jonah’s heart-rending Facebook posts, but just wanted to fuck Channing Tatum.
Brian Cranston returns to his Malcolm in the Middle comedy roots as an uptight orthodontist who turns into a foul-mouthed sex machine with a single puff of nitrous oxide. When his ex-wife threatens to move with their kids across the country to California, our hero must embrace his dark side to seduce, coerce, and blackmail all twelve of his children’s high school teachers into signing an affidavit that his ex is an unfit mother. When he runs out of nitrous oxide in the third act and has to continue his nefarious scheming in his uptight persona, his ex-wife realizes he’s still the hell-raising scoundrel she married and they run off together to California without the kids.
Who says Adam Sandler is out of ideas? “Everyone,” you say. Well, you haven’t heard his latest pitch to Netflix: To pay off his overbearing grandmother’s mahjong debts, half-Jewish/half-Japanese Guy Sploogizenmi must quit his job as a hibachi chef and perform black market circumcisions on European gigolos coming to the U.S. to serve the age 60+ Palm Beach crowd. His signature move—catching the foreskin in the breast pocket of his white lab coat—makes him an internet sensation… but also brings him to the attention of Miami police detective Sarah Smokinsnatch, daughter of the U.S. Surgeon General. Will she send him to prison or convince her father to sanction his unorthodox schlong-snipping ways?
A skeezy, repugnant reality TV star embraces America’s most rancid, racist, sexist, okay, you get it, moving on.
Turning convention on its head, this time our hero is a goody-goody two-shoes in a role where she should be an amoral, sex-crazed party animal. Mila Kunis stars as a wide-eyed virgin who genuinely cherishes the bubblegum pop music of a teenage boy band and follows them around the country in a van with her mother, only to discover they’re all degenerate drug fiends behind the scenes. When she kidnaps them all and forces them to perform a concert at an evangelical megachurch, all 6,000 girls in attendance end up pregnant.
Ripped from the pages of Reddit, a gaggle of self-important teenagers spouts clichéd racism at passersby who are blindly seeking the one funny comedian at an open mic night where everyone tells the exact same joke as the person before them. Andy Sandberg is inexplicably cast as a college student trying to find just the right Arrested Development quote to get Sarah Hyland to notice him and immediately fall in love.