VIDEO: Baby Geniuses 3: Baby Squad Investigators (2013)

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Yes, Baby Geniuses, widely considered one of the worst movies of all time, has not one, but two sequels, each worse than the last. In the third installment, the Crown Jewels have been stolen from the Tower of London, and it’s up to the baby geniuses to travel to Europe (specifically, GreenScreenLand) and use their secret baby language to recover them.

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    • Sofie Liv

      That’s like asking why Megan Fox has just been cast as April O’Neil, the movie world is bongus!

      Great review Jerry, funny to see you do it SF debris style, without actually appearing, except really shortly for one joke..

      Also, man.. they sure don’t make bad movies like this that often, this seemed quite entertaining in how bad it is.

      • I thought Megan Fox had only been casted for a female role and April O’Neil wasn’t confirmed, I mean, there are other women on TMNT right?
        And thanks, I wanted to give that style a try, I utterly failed because it led to rookie editing mistakes, but I guess it still came off decent, also, if you take a closer look you’ll see the in camera clip of me is actually from my review of spy kids xD I should have added a recycled footage joke somewhere in that clip.

        • Sofie Liv

          Just Karai really… whom is a deadly ninja assasin working for the foot-clan, and see Megan Fox in that part.. urhm.. yeah..

          Well, you didn’t make any mistakes I wouldn’t have 😉

          And yeah, I did notice actually.

          • Well, from what I recall from watching that show, doesn’t that deadly ninja look a bit like Megan Fox?

          • Sofie Liv

            Karai is supposed to be Japaneese and a skilled martial artist, heck the woman they got to voice her in the new nick show would be a better choice for life action. Kelly Hui.

            And who is she? a beautiful japaneese woman, whom has done a lot of hollywood action movies and has been known for her stunt work.

            And she’s voicing the animated version of Karai while Megan Fox maybe gets the real deal.. urgh..

          • MephLord

            Kelly Hu isn’t Japanese, she’s Chinese (although most technically she’s Hawaiian). But I agree she’s very beautiful and also a very good action actress. She was a great Deathstrike in X2, was good in Scorpion King and is also a good voice actress.

            A fun fact about the character Cheshire that appears in Young Justice. It was the look of the character in Teen Titans that inspired how her costume was designed for Young Justice. So Cheshire was a collaboration of a Teen Titans look with a Kelly Hu voice role that really brings about an under-appreciated character.

            The Teen Titans rogue roster is actually pretty big, and even though they have some goofy villains (Mad Mod, Mother May-Eye and Ding Dong Daddy (although he’s got an AWESOME car; and Mendo could cosplay him in a second), the serious villains like Blackfire, Deathstroke, Trigon and the HIVE Academy are all pretty good. I’ve rewatched the series several times and still enjoy every episode.

          • Sofie Liv

            Well, she’s asien, she’s beautiful, she’s a good actress, she can actually do fighting and stunt-work, she can do bloody martial arts! I would love to see her in a life action TMNT movie.

            So well, hurts a bit to know Megan Fox gets the real deal, while people like Kelly Hu could easily have been chosen, but wasn’t. Because, even though they are famouse, they are not as famouse as Megan Fox -_-;

          • MephLord

            I wouldn’t know who to cast as April O’Neil. That’s a tough role for anyone to pull off and do it well. Rachel Weisz would be my first choice but she’s probably too popular and you’d not look at her as April rather as Rachel playing April. Kelly Hu is also 45 years old, so the Shredder, if the movie goes that he’s Kirai’s father, would be one damn old dude. Maggie Q is 33, so it’s not out of the realm of possibility that Shredder could be in his 50s since Splinter is kind of old too.

          • Sofie Liv

            In the original Mirage comic book, Karai was merely another genneral in the foot-clan, and even a mother at that. She was the one to come taking Shredders place in NYC after his death, and restore order and honour into the foot-clan.

            It was the 2003 animated TMNT show that turned her into Shredders adoptive daughter, but the point was that ones Shredder was defeated for good, for the time number billion, it was her whom had to bring order back into the foot-clan and new york city.

            And then the new nick Show decided to turn her into a teenager, like they did with April, as well as empathise the fact that the turtles are in fact teenagers.

            Whether Karai is Shredders actual biological daughter, adopted or.. you know, Splinters long lost daughter in that show, remains to be seen.

            Case of point, as long as she’s a genneral of the foot, you can pretty much do with her what you want, and Kelly Hu could absolutely play her in a life-action movie, also.. man is she 45? how do I look that great when i’m 45? I think definetely she could play a younger part than she actually is, if she want to.

            As for April O’Neil, I dunno.. Jane Levy was one the short-list at some point, and yeah, she would have been a way better fit.
            Also, a natural red-haired April? she would have been adorable!

            Anna Kendrick was also on the short-list, and I know she had her break-throught with twilight and so on. But I would still like her better than Megan Fox, also, those two women looks natural and you know, human. Which is kind of what I would want from my April, for her to be the normal person beside the turtles, not some hot chick. Megan Fox is she mrs. Sex fox, I just.. no.

      • Oh, I forgot to say, they do make movies like these pretty often, for proof go look at some of recent Obscurus Lupa reviews, there are tons of green screened, cheaply SFX’d movies out there, ready to be discovered by us, Karate Dog, The Amazing Bulk, Heidi 4 Paws, this movie, the list goes on!

    • Like I said, we don’t need to ask why do they exist, we should instead question how can the make them even worse every time.

    • danbreunig

      My guess is that these movies (this specific series and others of this nature) are made for babysitting. Mom and/or Dad can just pop this in and then cook dinner while the kids are distracted by the cute nonsense. Just go to any thrift shop and nearly half of all their used movies are kid’s cartoons and shows. They’re nearly always on VHS too, which means a whole generation of parents donated (i.e. dumped) those videos there in second-hand stores after the kids grew up. A shameful waste when you think about it–much like sequels to such movies. And to add to your own question: Who the fuck chooses to willingly watch these films?!

  • Thomas Stockel

    I just looked John Voight up on IMDB. They made a Baby Geniuses 5. It is in post-production. I wonder if Voight’s descent into madness is the product of heavy gambling debts, someone has incriminating photos, or he really, really loves babies.

    • And transforming robots…and giant anacondas.

  • MichaelANovelli

    I think you may have picked up a stutter, Jerry. 😉

  • fish eye no miko

    Five? There’s FIVE of these? Oh lord…

    BTW, the blonde woman who works with the babies was also in the second movie. Just fyi.

    I really liked this style of review! Not that I mind seeing you, Renegado, but this was good, too.

    “Moriarty … master of disguise” No! Bad movie! *Sherlock Holmes* was a master of disguise, nowhere in the Holmes stories was it hinted that Moriarty was.

    Speaking of: Yeah, the British baby being a version of James Bond would make way more sense than her being a mini!female!Sherlock Holmes. While spy work and detective work has some overlap, they’re really not the same thing. And it’s not like James Bond is too obscure to reference in this movie.

    • Thanks, I wanted to give this style a try, technically I already did with my video about Ghostbusters II but that one was shorter, it was also a lot easier to record this one (no worries about the green screen, no filming preparations), I may do a few more of these, if at least only when I review a movie for The Movie Skewer.

      And I know right? The only reasoning I can think of for using Sherlock instead of James Bond is that James Bond always has sex in his movies? I dunno really, if they wanted to go for obvious they should have used a lady James Bond, but then again, we’re worrying about accuracy in a movie about spy babies.

  • chromesthesia

    Why aren’t these toddlers wearing pants? Seriously, if they are such geniuses they should be potty trained by now!

  • Bob_in_Baltimore

    So, this movie stole from the Spy Kids movie, which in turn stole from the previous Baby Geniuses movies… it’s like a daisy chain of suck. And that ending with the disguises makes me think a crossover with the Dana Carvey movie Master of Disguise is inevitable, so all these franchises can fuse into one hideous, pulsating mass of cinematic abomination that will wander the land, destroying unsuspecting moviegoers and absorbing their life energy, always on the move, seeking out more victims in a never-ending quest until it is finally destroyed. Or maybe I’m overreacting just a bit.

    It was interesting watching (hearing?) you try this different review style of remaining offscreen, I think it worked out pretty well. Cecil Trachtenberg on this site stays offscreen, and his videos are always high quality, so there’s no reason it can’t work for a skillful reviewer. Sofie really uses her facial expressions and hands a lot in her reviews, so it’s harder to imagine her doing something like this, but I’d be interested in seeing her try.

    • danbreunig

      I like this approach too. It’s somewhere less than a true video review with the reviewers acting in and reacting to themselves and each other sometimes, but more than the old written recaps where you the reader/viewer use your imagination more–kind of an in-between, plus I guess it’s fairly easier to speak lines than to speak lines while pulling faces as well. Maybe more Skewers on the way from everyone…?

      Plus the Agony Anarchists did this already in their last two reviews, where occasionally Sofie, Renegado, and Mendo would simply say their lines Rifftrax-style. I already have a mental picture of them in the bottom right corner MST3K style, with their Fedora, Biker, and Bowler hats in silhouette.

    • Sofie Liv

      technically when I did my “Ten minutes requested reviews.” and my “Cinema reviews.” I appear very very little.

      Also some-times in my reviews there are big chunks of them where I don’t appear, simply because it’s difficult for me to remember long passages of text.