Author: Stan Ferguson

VIDEO: Mega Python vs. Gatoroid (2011)

“‘80s pop princesses Debbie Gibson and Tiffany are down in the ‘Everglades’, trying to out-bitch each other by creating giant pythons and alligators. Eventually, the two middle-aged teen queens put their differences aside to save Miami from a reptile apocalypse, in this amazing sci-fi-horror-action comedy that manages to completely fail in four genres at once!”

VIDEO: Moulin Rouge (2001)

“Stan returns from the dead with a whole new manly musical: Moulin Rouge, the Orphean tale of a young chump and his sexy lady of the evening. Does this classic love story have what it takes to win Stan over? Can Stan resist the charms of adult contemporary songs sung by beautiful actors and the guy from Harry Potter 6? Does Stan feel like an idiot writing these things in the third person? The answer to all these questions—save the last—can be found inside the video thing below, and all it takes is one click of your mouse!”

VIDEO: Mamma Mia! (2008)

“Here we go again with another Thoroughly Manly Musical! In this episode, Super trooper Stan takes a chance on the ABBA musical nobody asked for, and finds something that was clearly only made for money, money, money. Will Stan request an SOS, or will the experience bring out his inner dancing queen? Who cares? After spending this much time coming up with stupid ABBA references, we’re pretty sure he’s going to kill himself anyway.”

VIDEO: Captain America (1979)

“They don’t get much cheesier or TV movie-er than 1979’s Captain America, starring Reb ‘Big McLargeHuge’ Brown as the Sentinel of Liberty. There’s no Red Skull or HYDRA or Cap getting entombed in a block of ice in this movie, just a big doof with overinflated biceps riding his motorcycle and battling Wink Martindale’s evil twin.”

VIDEO: Tommy (1975)

“Stan looks at Tommy, the 1975 musical based on the Who’s rock opera about a deaf, dumb blind kid who sure plays a mean pinball. Directed by Ken Russell (who apparently hates epileptics), the movie stars Ann-Margret (who shows off some impressive eye acting), a creepy, tone-deaf Oliver Reed, and Roger Daltrey as Tommy, who’s got a fever, and the only cure is more pinball!”

VIDEO: The Incredible Hulk Returns (1988)

“This time around, Stan looks at the TV movie that reunited the stars of a classic ‘70s action series, The Incredible Hulk Returns. And since the notion of Bill Bixby turning into a bodybuilder covered in green body paint isn’t ridiculous enough, they added the Norse god of thunder! Yes, Marvel’s own Thor makes a special appearance here, along with his life partner Donald Blake, and since Kenneth Branagh’s Thor comes out this summer, what better time to look at Thor’s only other live-action appearance?”

VIDEO: The Horror at 37,000 Feet (1973)

Stan watches The Horror at 37,000 Feet, a bizarre 1973 airplane disaster/horror hybrid that’s horrifying for all the wrong reasons. Filmed for roughly $500 on a soundstage at CBS Television City, the movie boasts an all-star cast including Chuck Connors, Buddy Ebsen, Paul Winfield, Russell “The Professor” Johnson, France Nuyen, and Tammy Grimes. Also onboard is William Shatner, chewing up the scenery like never before, and meeting his untimely demise in a truly memorable fashion.

VIDEO: Mother, May I Sleep with Danger? (1996)

Stan examines the infamously titled Lifetime Original Movie Mother, May I Sleep with Danger? Tori Spelling stars as a college student who thinks she’s met the perfect man, but to the shock of no one who has ever seen a Lifetime Original Movie, he turns out to be a cold blooded killer. Also stars Ivan Sergei, Lochlyn Munro, Gabrielle Miller, and Lisa Banes as “Mother”.