This week on Game of Thrones, the series’ war on weddings with poor Sansa Stark the latest victim. Also, Arya gets a promotion, Margaery gets a demotion, Bronn and Jamie play dress-up, and Tyrion and Jorah make some new friends with benefits, but, perhaps, not the kind of benefits they were hoping for.
Author: Julie Kushner
This week on Game of Thrones, Dany feeds her dragon kids a gourmet lunch. Greyworm lives to be ball-less another day. Jon Snow grows a pair. Sansa comes to terms with just how badly her life sucks. Tyrion grudgingly acknowledges the perks of being held hostage.
This week on Once Upon a Time’s dramatic two-part season finale, the Author proved himself to be the crappiest alt-world fanfiction writer ever. Snow White got a new, even worse haircut. (Yes, it is possible!) A few people died, then un-died. A long-awaited “I love you” was exchanged. Old Dirty Homeless-Looking Mickey remained Old Dirty and Homeless-Looking, then died and stayed dead. And Storybrooke got both a new Author and a brand new Lord Assholes.
GAME OF THRONES: Population Control
Just in time for Mother’s Day, Once has gone and delivered us an hour filled with mother/daughter reunions, mother/daughter reconciliations, mother/daughter bonding sessions, and a fire-breathing dragon who burns people’s faces off . . . You know, the usual . . .
This week’s Game of Thrones features Arya doing a little housekeeping, Sansa getting engaged again, Tommen getting a whole lot of nookie, Jon Snow getting a little head, Margaery beating Cersei in a verbal smackdown, and a High Septon being quite literally beaten by his religion.
This week on Once, Swan Queen road trips, car chases, kids who change nationalities when they become adults, a heart that gets tossed around like a hot potato, and a baby conceived under the creepiest circumstances ever.
Let’s see how some of our favorite TV characters would fare on the world’s most ridiculous, guilty pleasure, summer reality game show . . . shall we?
GAME OF THRONES: How to Lose Friends and Alienate Mereeneese
ONCE UPON A TIME: Psycho Killer, Qu’est-ce Woof?
GAME OF THRONES: It’s My Dwarf in a Box
ONCE UPON A TIME: Maid Marion Gets a Makeover
ONCE UPON A TIME: Writing Wrongs
ONCE UPON A TIME: Things That Make You Go “Ahhhh, Ahhh!”
ONCE UPON A TIME: Extreme Makeover
ONCE UPON A TIME: The Kids Are Not All Right
ONCE UPON A TIME: The Bad Girls Club
GALAVANT RECAP: And They All Lived Crappily Ever After (S1:E7-8)
GALAVANT RECAP: Xanax Makes Everything Better (S1:E5-6)
GALAVANT RECAP: So Many Balls, So Little Time (S1:E3-4)