Based on the video game of the same name, it’s a film with a risky concept: Gather four hot women (Holly Valance, Devon Aoki, Sarah Carter, Jaime Pressly), put them in as little clothes as possible, and have them fight each other! Luckily for Cecil, the concept works, making for one of the best video game adaptations ever.
Author: Cecil Trachenburg
It’s one of Cecil’s favorite slasher films ever, starring Christopher and Lynda Day George, “Bruce Le” [sic], and the kid from Pod People tracking down a serial killer who’s dismembering coeds to create a jigsaw puzzle made from body parts. Whoever the killer might be, one thing’s for sure: he’s a real bastard. Bastard!! BASTARD!!
Loosely based on the arcade game of the same name, Double Dragon stars Party of Five‘s Scott Wolf and future Iron Chef host Mark Dacascos as two interracial brothers living in post-apocalyptic Los Angeles in the far-flung year of 2007. With the help of Alyssa Milano, they protect one-half of an ancient Chinese talisman from falling into the hands of crime lord Robert Patrick, who will stop at nothing to reassemble the medallion and gain absolute power.
Watch as the Spice Girls revive a kid from a coma, help deliver a baby, encounter aliens, and talk various celebrities who all should have known better (including Elton John, Bob Hoskins, Elvis Costello, and Hugh Laurie) into making cameos!
Starring a 17 year old Angelina Jolie in her first-ever lead role, Cyborg 2 takes place in a future where the world is ruled by corporations, who use espionage cyborgs loaded with explosives to assassinate key targets. Angelina is destined to get blowed up good, but she learns her fate and goes on the run with Casey Jones from TMNT, while being pursued by a mostly off-screen Jack Palance.
The mentally challenged guy from L.A. Law is the doctor from hell! He escapes from a mental hospital to get his revenge on the local teens, and kills loads of people using things like: a thermometer, a giant band-aid, and a blood pressure cuff! Get it? ‘Cause he’s a doctor!
Cecil brings us the tale of a mad scientist who kidnaps three tourists and creates a “human centipede” by stitching together their… well, unless you’ve been living on Mars for the past few years, you already know what this movie’s about.
Despite the title, this isn’t just a goofy romp with guys in clown costumes. An incredible amount of detail was put into this movie, from the amazing Klown makeup to a lot of little touches that only add to the film’s cleverness. And above all, the way they played this insane concept completely straight makes this one to watch.
Cecil looks at Catwoman, starring Halle Berry as a cosmetics company employee who undergoes basically the same origin as Michelle Pfeiffer in Batman Returns and becomes a superhero! Many consider this to be a strong contender for worst comic book movie ever made, but in this episode, Cecil explains why he genuinely loves Catwoman.
It’s an Agony Booth Christmas Special as Cecil watches Santa with Muscles, starring Hulk Hogan playing against type as a rich buffoon, who falls down a trash chute and starts believing he’s Santa Claus. He decides to help out some hapless orphans (among them, Mila Kunis) in danger of having their home demolished by evil germophobe Ed Begley, Jr. A mainstay of the IMDb’s Bottom 100 list for over a decade, is it possible Cecil enjoyed this one? Watch and find out!
In this episode, Cecil watches Fear, starring Reese Witherspoon as Nicole, a young girl stalked by her psycho ex-boyfriend Mark Wahlberg. Despite the pedestrian plot, the movie is wall-to-wall wackiness, thanks mostly to Wahlberg giving a hilariously over-the-top performance. Watch as Marky Mark finger-bangs Reese Witherspoon on a roller coaster! Watch as he gives himself a NICOLE 4 EVA tattoo with a ballpoint pen! And in the end, nature will take its course… so let me in the fucking house!
In this installment of Good Bad Flicks, Cecil examines an affliction that can strike both good movies and bad movies: terrible slogans getting slapped on the poster by clueless studio marketing departments. In this video, Cecil counts down the 10 worst one-line blurbs ever used to sell a movie!
“Just in time for Halloween, Cecil brings us Hack-O-Lantern, the tale of an old man (Hy Pyke, the bar owner from Blade Runner, which is enough to get him top billing here) who tries to initiate his young grandson Tommy (Gregory Scott Cummins) into a devil-worshipping cult. Come for the satanic killing spree, stay for the incest and the heavy metal music video randomly dropped into the middle of the movie!”
“Break out your action figures, and settle in for pure ‘80s awesomeness! Long before the horrendous Transformers movies, there was Masters of the Universe, a live action movie that adapted a toy/cartoon series, and actually did it right! Sure, it may be just another fish out of water story, and there may be a few too many new characters, but overall the film delivers. Sword battles, weird creatures, and a 22 year old Courtney Cox? Sign me up!”
“This episode, it’s Cherry 2000, a 1987 sci-fi action flick about a man who breaks his robot wife, and hires a redheaded Melanie Griffith to head into the desert wastelands to find him an exact duplicate. If you think the synopsis sounds ridiculous, wait until you actually see it.”
“It’s the debut of a new show, Good Bad Flicks, where your host Cecil Trachenburg takes you through rare movies, forgotten classics, and misunderstood box office bombs! First up is Dante’s Peak, a disaster film that deserves more attention. It was released amidst a glut of disaster films in the mid ‘90s, and was unfortunately overshadowed by many of them. But almost 15 years later, the film still holds up. The effects are fantastic, and even though the story won’t win any awards, the movie is a blast (in more ways than one)!”