Let AOL’s ‘Digital Prophet’ Guy Terrify And Mystify You With Buzzwords And Jargon

We literally cowered in fear in the Wonket Sekrit Chatcave today, hoping that the Editrix would not run across this video of one David Shing, AOL’s “Digital Prophet,” because we knew once she did, we would have to write about him. Clearly, we did not hide well enough.

Honestly how are we supposed to listen to a guy who looks like Pete Burns from Dead or Alive, circa 1985, talk about tech or anything else, really?

7117673_PeteBurns-Before

So AOL is still a thing, apparently. And AOL has this guy as a Digital Prophet, which actually we have no idea what the job description is for a Digital Prophet, particularly for a company that still makes serious bank off of dial-up services. He seems to be a sort of “in-house philosopher,” like this guy used to be for Tribune Company and the LA Times? We guess he talks about the internet? Or Google Glass? Oh, he is there to make digital prophet predictions for 2014. TRIGGER WARNING: So many buzzwords ahead. You may want to avert your eyes.

David_Shing_on_MSNBC_-_YouTube

We thought maybe it was just the whole interfacing with MSNBC thing that made this guy seem so ridic, so we went and looked at his website and OH MY GOD IT IS WORSE.

We got as far as the part where he talked about how we would cluster in small villages and tribes and then we shut it off. Then we turned it back on again because the Editrix said we had to write this. It does not get better, people. It doesn’t help that the guy sounds like Crocodile Dundee or that he is yammering on at you about a “fast fail” culture, in which you fail frequently and speedily so you can get to success quicker, because that is so much fun. No, we are not even remotely making that part up, or even really paraphrasing.

We do not want to live in a fast fail culture. We do not want to meet any digital prophets. We do not care about smarter wearables or defriending or brand placement. We especially do not want to have to go back to an era where hairstyles like this were common or appropriate, because seriously? the glue and the hairspray and the constant ratting is TOUGH on your luscious locks, so just say no to this guy.

[The Wire/Shingy]

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  • John Avignone

    And then there’s this…”Did you know that not only does AOL still exist, but it’s successful enough that its CEO Tim Armstrong made $12.1 million in 2012? Did you also know that Tim Armstrong is a raging asshole?AOL has decided that it will cut back its contributions to employees’ 401(k)s. When employees complained about this fact in an open letter to Armstrong, he responded by telling employees it was Obamacare’s fault. Oh, and those two women who are your co-workers who had sick babies last year. Yes, that’s how much of an asshole he is.”http://www.dailykos.com/story/2014/02/06/1275649/-Breaking-There-s-still-an-AOL-and-its-CEO-is-an-nbsp-a-hole

  • Thank you for posting a picture of Pete Burns circa 1985, and not Pete Burns, circa now – Google if you don’t know what I’m talking about.

    • Florida Farmer

      Did he meet Jocelyn Wildenstein and decide her look was aces or something?Wow.

    • Pat_Pending

      Oh, I know, and once seen, cannot be unseen.

  • Pat_Pending

    Mobile Intimacy sounds moist and unsanitary. And will no doubt contribute to decreased battery life.

  • Pat_Pending

    And he calls himself Shingy. Isn’t that just adorbs…

  • mfp

    i know steve stevens….steve stevens is a friend o mine….and tho you may have purchased on ebay/stolen his 1986 hair, you, mr shingy, are no steve stevens….

  • Ambignostic