Agents Of SHIELD Recap: Now It Is Bill Paxton's Turn To Try To Jump Start This Show!
Thanks to the fact that no one wants to compete with the Olympics, we’ve been away from Agents of SHIELD for a month. The last episode ended with a Very Important Zoom Shot of Mike Peterson rocking a prosthetic leg with “Deathlok” on it so let’s see if that figures into this episode or if we just look at the plane again.
Oh, and also too Skye almost died. We almost forgot about that, but we open with not-dead but super-bleeding Skye, which reminds us that happened. She’s rushed into the operating room and then we get lots of moody shots of the SHIELDies sitting around looking pensive and waiting to see what will happen.
Coulson is calling Nick Fury repeatedly but Nick doesn’t feel like taking his calls, apparently. Not enough money to pay Samuel L. Jackson to show up this episode?
We learn Skye is not going to make it, which means either this show just grew a huge pair of balls and is going to kill off one of its lead characters, or we’re going to have some sort of tortured yet miraculous yet tortured survival of Skye that will become the focus of everything, as if we don’t spend enough time talking about Skye.
Yep. They’re going to take the plane — THE PLANE — back to Bethesda to see if SHIELD can do for Skye what they did for Coulson. Everyone that is not Coulson is like “listen, man, Bethesda isn’t miracle land and they won’t be able to save her either” so Coulson has to be like “let me come out with my Tahiti resurrection story which I am still traumatized by.” Coulson’s got his whole file with all the tips and tricks on how to un-die, so he gives that to FitzSimmons so they can figure out how to give Skye the full on Jesus-back-from-the-dead treatment. OK, we know they’re geniuses and all, but they’re not doctors, right? They’re Ph.D type doctors, not do surgery on your heart kind of doctors, but they’re young and scrappy, so they’ll probably figure something out, right?
Coulson and company are in big trouble, looks like, because they haven’t handed over Ian Quinn for interrogation, probably because May wants to murder him instead. HQ sends not one, not two, but THREE planes to board them and take Quinn away. Seriously, did this show get some sort of special discount on stock footage of planes?
We even get to watch some complicated hot hot plane-on-plane docking action because that is some exciting shit.
Oh hi Bill Paxton! You’re this week’s guest star designed to help make SHIELD interesting! Welcome aboard. Paxon is Agent John Garrett and he’s in charge of making sure Coulson gives up Quinn. Garrett’s been chasing Quinn too and now it is time for a Garrett-Coulson steely-eyed staredown over who gets Quinn. Same with Garrett’s sidekick, Trip, and Grant Ward, except they decide to have a full-on fistfight about it instead. Coulson and Garrett agree that Garrett can interrogate Quinn on the plane instead. Everybody wins!
Garrett is most interested in chatting with Quinn about Deathlok, so congrats, show, on getting back to a plot thread relatively quickly! Oh wait you actually do not. Instead, Quinn explains that he shot Skye because the clairvoyant told him to, which is now our new excuse for everything. Why did you get wasted? Clairvoyant told me to. Why did you skip work? Clairvoyant told me to. Why on earth did you blow every last cent in your bank account on cocaine? Clairvoyant clairvoyant clairvoyant.
Problem: no one can track down the doctor that operated on Coulson or where he was operated upon or anything of the sort. You know this means FitzSimmons are going to end up performing the operation on the plane or something aren’t they?
Quinn explains that the clairvoyant sees all and knows all and that’s how Quinn is always one step ahead, but the only thing that the clairvoyant can’t see is what happened to Coulson, and the clairvoyant is dying to know, which is why Quinn put two bullets in Skye — so that we can take a little trip to wherever Coulson was treated. We’d like this bit of plot to move along because we are bored with shots of bloody Quinn.
So, either Coulson figures out what actually happened to him during his resurrection experience — and then the clairvoyant sees what happened — or they let Skye die to keep it all a secret. Haha you know they are not going to do that.
Simmons comes to Coulson to explain they can’t find out where any of the surgery happened and they can’t really fully understand Coulson’s file documenting all the procedures, so Coulson’s genius plan is “go read the file again.”
Cue lots of FitzSimmons reading the file again and trying to figure out what to do. Somehow they’ve been granted access to a smallish glowing cube which contains all SHIELD administrative info, which they will somehow use to track backwards and find out who treated Coulson and when and how. Seems like a sort of kludgy way to get at it, but hey, neat cube thing!
Now for several more minutes of neat Minority Report-type flinging around of holographic cubes and folders. That particular special effect must cost next to nothing now, which is why the show gets to make liberal use of it. Do you think it is really easier to find files by flinging holographs around instead of just searching on a computer? Apparently it is, because right quick they find something linking Nick Fury to the procedure and then there’s some more holograph-flinging and then they find the Guest House, which is likely where Coulson got resurrected. Easy!
The plane finds a super-convenient place to land, of course, and then they just walk right up to the Guest House and ring the doorbell and ask nicely if they’ll pretty please operate on Skye but Coulson and company can’t give the proper secret answer to the question of the day. Because the Guest House operatives behave like actual secret agents, they don’t just open the door because they’re asked to, which means Coulson and Garrett are going to break in, we guess. Cue darkened SHIELD vs. SHIELD gun battle. Coulson’s side wins, duh, except for the part where there are no doctors actually on the site AND the whole mountain is wired to blow up. Pyrrhic victory, dudes.
Meanwhile back on the plane, Skye starts going into convulsions at the same time Coulson finds the operating room at the Guest House, complete with the creepy spider robot things that operated on him.
Garrett and Ward are still trying to figure out a way to stop them all from getting blown up, which we have to admit is a quality use of time. At the same time, Fitz and Coulson head into a room with a giant BIOHAZARD sign on it, but throw caution to the winds and don’t suit up before they rummage around inside it. They conveniently find some wonder drug that will fix Skye, but Coulson decides to hang about EVEN THOUGH THE BUILDING IS GOING TO BLOW UP, but his derring-do is rewarded when he finds Tahiti.
Well. T.A.H.I.T.I., at least.
Ward and Fitz leave to get the wonder drug to Skye while Garrett stays behind to try to find Coulson and the timer tick tick tick tick ticks away. Garrett finds him but now Coulson thinks they should not use the wonder drug on Skye and we are so confused.
Oh, and then there’s a super duper cheesy scene where the Guest House and the mountain blow up as Garrett and Coulson make it to the plane.
Coulson races to Skye’s bedside to tell Simmons not to inject her with the wonder drug, but it’s too late. We have a super-exciting ten seconds of tension while it looks like Skye might die but then of course Skye does not die. Instead, she stabilizes. Medicine is easy!
Garrett goes and taunts Quinn for a few minutes about how he’s going to jail or hell or wherever. Then Coulson and Quinn have a nice man-to-man handshake deal and the plane undocks and veers away.
May wants to know why Coulson changed his mind about the miracle drug, so we jump back to what Coulson found in when he was wandering about the Guest House and oh Jesus it is because the wonder drug appears to be coming from
a still-alive but horribly mangled person who is in one of the ubiquitous glass coffins with tubes snaking out of him. He decides not to tell May, though, because secrets are what drives this show.
For the end of the show, let’s cut to a lady wearing some sort of steampunk RenFest type of garb who is also too walking in a field!
Steampunk lady thinks she is in Midgard, but once she finds out in she’s in Death Valley, she finds some random guy and mind-melds with him to driver her around and save her. She is Lorelei, an Asgard sorcerer-type, and now we will have to wait to find out more about her and we still don’t know anything more about Deathlok or who the poor sod pumping out wonder drug is. TOO MANY THREADS, SHOW.
Tune in next week.