Agents of SHIELD Recap: After The Fall
Last week we had the big Winter Soldier tie-in SHIELD episode, and people are suddenly vaguely excited about SHIELD again because things started happening. To recap: SHIELD is gone, HYDRA has risen, Ward is maybe probably a bad guy now (OR IS HE???) and our favorite agents are on the run. Here we go.
We open with Raina making some sort of origami thingy. She has quite the collection. Gotta do something when you’re in prison.
Just then there is some shooting and Ward walks in smirking. True fact: evil Ward just looks better than good Ward. Smirking suits him. He’s got a present for Raina – a gift from the clairvoyant. Wait, the clairvoyant is still a thing? It’s her flowered silk dress, which we guess is Ward’s way of giving her back her evil powers too or something.
Coulson is in front of the obligatory giant teeevee showing all the things. Only three SHIELD bases are secure. Coulson was hoping for seven. Now it is a time for a clunky speech from Coulson about how Hydra is out there now, but they can fight them, and they will. Go SHIELD!
Meanwhile Ward and Raina get to go to Cuba to hang out in a barbershop and meet the clairvoyant, who we now find out is just plain old John Garrett/Bill Paxton with some newly slicked back evil hair.
Raina thanks him deeply for being all mystical clairvoyant powerful, but he disabuses her of that notion and tells her that he’s just a good liar with a high security clearance. Raina seems deeply saddened by this. She’s in it to change the world, but he’s just in it to be evil and HYDRA-y.
Of course when we cut back to SHIELD, they’re trying to fix the fucking plane, because that’s all that matters. Fitz and Simmons are squabbly as they try to fix things and things blow up.
May is tasked with telling Coulson the plane is almost ready to go, which seems an odd choice given that Coulson and May are at loggerheads given that whole May was sent to spy on Coulson thing. Coulson finally connects with an Air Force general via the giant wall of teevee.
The Air Force is not happy, oh no they are not, so they’re sending a peacekeeping force, which means Coulson’s choices are to basically surrender to the Air Force or run. Of course they’re going to run as soon as the plane is fixed.
Trip wants on to the plane, because that plane is a sexy beast. Coulson is not cool with the prospect, because of how Trip was besties with now super evil John Garrett. Simmons intervenes and says she wants Trip. Coulson agrees begrudgingly.
The plane-fixing basically turns into getting the Millennium Falcon off the ground when it is busted. Skye makes it so the plane has Internet, but there’s no access to SHIELD resources or databases. Even so, Coulson wants Skye to scrub the entire Internet of all traces of their existence, which is totally a thing that can be done. Skye poinst out that her magic Internet erasing skills can’t be undone, so once they’re gone, they’re ghosts. Also the plane barely has any fuel or food.
Coulson figures it is time to get in touch with Hand and Ward, since it is high past time they would have delivered Garrett to a small dank cell somewhere. Oh right. We forgot that Coulson still has no idea that Ward is evil and Garrett is on the loose and Hand is dead. That’s gonna sting when he figures that out.
Hello evil Ward! Skye’s calling to chat and lets him know that he no longer exists because she has magically scrubbed him from every last place on the Internet. Evil Ward lies smoothly about how they’re taking the long way home because Agent Hand saw a plane or something, while Skye explains she had to nuke Ward’s identity because the Air Force was going to come arrest them all or whatever. Bill Paxton just sits around and grins evilly.
Garrett and Ward are having a spat because Ward did not think that shooting Skye was a cool part of the plan. Garrett is unmoved and basically said he would totally kill Skye but he totally gets that Ward would want to bone her and then they talk about how close they are to the completion of their as-yet-unexplained evil plan. SO CLOSE!
Raina gets the Centipede project back and it involves a row of dead people with bad skin conditions.
Garrett liberated as many test tubes of stuff that maybe might be the miracle drug that brought Skye and Coulson back from the dead and it is now his gift to Raina so she can continue being evil as well. Also too, Ward conveniently has that hard drive that stored all the SHIELD secret blood research data in one handy easily-stolen device! SHIELD’s motto must be “safety last.”
Garrett and Evil Ward are going to go raid SHIELD’s most top secret secret place, the Fridge. We don’t remember for the life of us what that is.
Here’s some stock footage of the plane flying!
Inside the plane, all the SHIELD folks are giving up their SHIELD badges in a dramatic sigh-laden manner, except that Coulson’s badge suddenly has some glowing coordinates on it, and he is sure they must have been sent by Nick Fury and Coulson is going to head to those coordinates, dammit.
The coordinates put them square in the middle of the Canadian wilderness. Simmons and Trip keep pointing out that these coordinates totally could have come from HYDRA, which makes sense to us! Coulson makes some dramatic speech about how they are the SHIELD, the last line of defense and also too Nick Fury gave him the plane and therefore they are flying to the mystery coordinates ASAP, danger be damned.
Garrett and Ward are getting ready for their assault on the Fridge, but since there is always time to chit chat on this show, Ward takes a few moments to talk to Raina about how he faked out Coulson’s team into thinking he was not evil. He eplains how he sexytimed May and it was easy because he is sexy to everyone. He also explains how he faked out Coulson into taking him on the SHIELD plane team, which was basically by playing hard to get. Ward is all things to all men and all women.
Now it is time for some tense and awkward conversation between May and Coulson because he believes Fury is alive, and May is pretty sure he is dead. May is also kinda worried that HYDRA is living inside Coulson’s brain, literally. She thinks maybe it got stuffed in there when Coulson was resurrected. May thinks the brain-stuffing could have happened because Fury wasn’t in charge of Operation Resurrect Coulson. Coulson is PISSED about this possibility. She explains the whole reason she was on the plane in the first place was that Fury was worried about Coulson and thought he needed watching, which makes sense, even though Coulson doesn’t like it. If Fury wasn’t in charge of Operation Resurrect Coulson, he might indeed be a wee bit suspicious of the results.
Let’s go to the Fridge! We do not know where it is, but it’s 100 floors tall!
Ward is sneaking into the Fridge by doing the Garret is his prisoner schtick, which we think they someone did last week as well? This time, it doesn’t work on the guards, but then a helicopter conveniently attacks Ward and Garrett so they buckle and let them in. Haha of course Garrett ordered the helicopter attack to ensure that the guards think HYDRA is knocking on their front door, so they let Ward and Garrett in, at which point Ward promptly kills them dead. No wonder SHIELD was so easy to take over. These people are gullible.
Ward and Garrett are just stone cold roaming through the SHIELD warehouse. Theoretically, SHIELD was supposed to get rid of all the scary technology they’ve acquired over the years by shooting it into space, but it looks like they don’t actually get rid of it at all. Instead, they just stash it in a warehouse because SHIELD is the least secure entity in the whole world. Oh, Garrett also too frees all the folks SHIELD has locked up.
The coordinates Coulson is following lead to a frozen Canadian hellscape. Everyone conveniently has fashionable winter gear and of course the plane finds a nice big place to park.
Everyone wanders through a bucolic snow scene grudgingly and warily, because there’s nothing there. Skye quizzes May about why she was tasked to watch Coulson, and May explains the whole thing about how Fury thought Coulson might get weird. Now, up until today, says May, he didn’t seem weird, but everyone is pretty sure things are weird now since Coulson is wandering around in the wilderness and oh, yeah, they can’t leave because there’s no more fuel in the plane. Coulson makes a yellspeech about how they are not agents of nothing, they are agents of SHIELD and therefore this must all mean something. Meanwhile, everyone just stands around looking awkward like they’re at a family dinner and grandpa started yelling.
Frustrated, Coulson pitches his badge in the air and oh hey there is something there: a giant automatic cannon.
That is not a great thing to find! Coulson is still sure this means it is a SHIELD facility, so he goes and stands in front of the weapon. Coulson IDs himself and the rock face opens to receive him. How could anyone doubt the faith of Coulson?!
Raina is trying to access the hard drive that contains all the SHIELD secrets, but turns out Skye made the hard drive all encrypted and safe-like. Apparently no one can get into it escept Skye, which means Ward is going to have to go find Skye and romance her. Evil Ward is so sleazy.
Back at the rock face facility, the SHIELDies are weclomed by…Patton Oswalt?? We always forget how remarkably short he is.
This hidden SHIELD facility is Providence. Oswalt, aka Agent Eric Koenig, walks them through a cafeteria that he seems inordinately fond of and then fawns over Coulson. All Coulson wants to know is whether Fury is alive. Koenig tells him that Fury didn’t make it out of DC and also too the Fridge has fallen, which sends Skye scrambling to call Ward.
Koenig is the only one at this facility, and he’s been there since the Battle of New York. Pretty much the second Coulson gets him alone, Koenig tells him “oh by the way Nick Fury is not dead” but only like five people in the world area allowed to know that, and those people do not include Coulson’s team. This makes sense given that Coulson’s team includes evil Ward.
Because Skye thinks Fury is dead, Ward thinks Fury is dead, thankfully. Ward lets Garrett know this while we watch him pull on yet another one of his many turtleneck sweaters. As Ward watches him, we spot some cyberware on Garrett. Ooh, shiny.
Garrett gives Ward 24 hours to go find Skye and romance the password out of her. If he can’t do it in 24 hours, he’s supposed to murder everyone and bring Skye to Garrett. But first, Garrett has to beat the shit out of Ward to make everything look legit.
Ward gets to the secret providence facility and gah Skye is still flirting with him. Remember how Skye is the worst? She is the worst.
Before we leave this week’s SHIELD, we see Ian Quinn! Hello Ian Quinn! You have been locked up in SHIELD jail because Garrett put you there, but now Garrett got you out, so hush. Quinn is mad, though, and says he won’t play any reindeer games with Garrett any longer until Garrett shows him a big blog of shiny goopy metal.
It’s gravitonium! This is exciting, we thing! And probably bad for SHIELD, but we’ll need to wait for next week to find out why.