Attention! Achtung! Doctor Says Listening To Adele Makes You Gay!

Normally we do not highlight things that are going to air on Limey Socialist BBC TV, but for this we’ll make an exception, because this poor openly gay UK doctor set himself the task of coming to America to go undercover and explore the wide variety of ex-gay/un-gaying/whatever “therapies” that we have to offer. Land of the free, home of the terrible. That’s us.

In order to investigate, “Undercover Doctor” Dr. Christian Jessen endures therapies (we can’t even believe we’re calling them that, but we’re too lazy to scare quote them for the whole post) that include the relatively weird and probably semi-harmless, except for that whole part where they shame you for being who you are. (They also include the not-semi-harmless at all, of course. We’ll get to those.)

Retired doctor John Smid from Texas offers rehab and orders him to strip his life of things that encourage him to be gay. He throws out Jessen’s Adele CD and tells him: “Adele is very popular within the gay community. You have to listen to Christian music.” Smid also makes him bin his tight undies claiming they will “stir his sensuality” and make him want sex.

In Dallas he visits a doctor who says he can change people’s sexuality through colouring books.

Back in London he meets a pastor who offers exorcisms to rid people of “gay demons’’.

You guys a literal fuckton of people bought those Adele records. Like millions and millions. Are they all gay now, or does it only work on the already weak of mind and limp of wrist? Also too COLORING BOOKS??

None of these things really compare to the aversion therapy he undergoes, mainly because it is stupidly awful and also because we didn’t realize anyone still did this sort of stuff, even to the gays.

We see Dr Jessen given bottle of ipecac syrup to drink, to make him vomit for hours while looking at pictures of naked men and listening to tapes telling him he is ‘worthless,’ that being gay was evil and that he should want to have sex with women.

This ‘shock therapy’ used to be deployed by doctors for treating homosexuality, ‘since probably the 1920s, 30, 40s and going on well into the 1970s and 80s,’ Dr Jessen tells Mail Online.
Patients were given injections every two hours which would make them vomit and have diarrhoea. The theory was that, afterwards, seeing images of naked men or having homosexual thoughts, would cause a physical reaction.

No patients claimed to be cured by this method.

OF COURSE THEY WEREN’T CURED BY THAT METHOD.

We may actually be glad that this is only airing in the UK tonight, because we like our television set and do not want to throw it through the window quite yet. If you are a limey socialist and want to endure it, it is on BBC Channel 4 at 10 p.m. UK time tonight. Make sure to tell us all about it in the comments if you do.

PS: No word on whether he visits Marcus Bachmann’s clinic or not, so someone really has to watch this for us and find out.

[Telegraph/Daily Star/Daily Mail]

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  • JParkerSD46

    “The theory was that, afterwards, seeing images of naked men or having homosexual thoughts, would cause a physical reaction.” Ha, ha…there probably is a “physical reaction”. It’s what the crazy kids today call a boner! And over the weekend I saw to little boys who were well on their way to a parent-enabled life of gay. Coloring in, of all things, coloring books!!! Evil parents!

    • Annie Towne

      You “saw to” them? I’ll just bet you did.

    • Dave Lerner

      Me glazzies! Leave me Glazzies!-Alex, Clockwork Orange

  • Greg Comlish

    “Now if you’ll just place your tight, white man-scented underwear in that bin in the corner. It’s hard to reach, you kinda have to bend over. Yeah, like that. Just like that.”

  • SullivanSt

    Channel 4 is not the BBC, it is a commercial channel albeit with a public service mandate (at least I think it still has the mandate, I remember it being the subject of debate back when I was leaving the country)

  • docterry6973

    Judy Garland libel!!!!

  • Lazy Media

    Wait, are you saying that Alex DOESN’T lose his ability to appreciate Ludwig Van along with his love of violence? Well, hey, that puts a whole different perspective on that.

    • histrogeek

      Damn. I was going to say that.

  • Deleted

    This post was deleted.

    • NoNotThatOne

      All of them, Katie.

  • thepoliticalcat

    I just want to know if it’s really true that Editrix will kill any Wonketteers who comment over here. (prepares to flee)

  • Jayman

    wow, then I must be a flamer, I like her tunes, not all of them, but some are fantastic, my girlfriend will be very surprised to hear that I’m gay now.

  • theboywhosoured

    Sorry for being pedantic, Channel 4 is not part of the BBC, it’s run by a separate broadcasting body. Though both are publicly owned.

    • Newtsundies

      That’s not pedantry. That’s a public service. I wondered if the BBC had just added more channels since I quit those ugly, lovely shores in 2001.

      • Ethics Gradient

        Since you mention it, yes, they did – there is a BBC Four, which started in 2002. And there is, of course, a BBC Three, though that is going to become a web-only channel. Three started after Four, in 2003 – because, you how it can be …

  • natl_[redacted]_cmdr

    Listening to Adele does not make you gay. Now, listening to Taylor Dayne on the other hand…

  • elvigy

    I not only listen to Adele, I turn it way up and sing along with it. That makes me, like, a 9 on the Kinsey scale (which only goes to 6, so you see how gay that makes me).Sounds about right.