Adam Carolla Pretty Sure Gay Mafia Is Stopping Him From Being Funny

Adam Carolla Pretty Sure Gay Mafia Is Stopping Him From Being Funny

Poor little Adam Carolla needed some attention and wanted some publicity for his crappy new book, President Me: The America That’s in My Head,where we guess (fuck, we’re not gonna read it) he talks about the America he wants and that America doesn’t involve the gay mafia oppressing Adam Corolla like they do now.

If you can’t work with gay people, you’re gonna have a difficult time in Hollywood. There’s plenty of gay people and they’re in positions above you. You’re not going to get your movie directed. I don’t have a problem with it — they’ve just turned into a mafia and demanding everyone apologize for every joke and retract every statement.

“It’s cool, I totally like gay people and all, except for the part where they’re a mafia” is not really a coherent thought, Adam Carolla, but then again your “comedy” career has not really been coherent. Or all that comedic, for that matter. But it’s cool, explains genius Adam Carolla, because as long as you’re not shoving your gay gay gaiety in his face, he has no problem with you, gays! (Except for the mafia part, duh.)

I don’t even know who’s gay and who’s not gay nine times out of 10 — why do you even need to know? Your skin color and gender one can see, if one wanted to discriminate. In terms of sexual proclivities, I don’t know what someone’s into! You could work with someone who’s into kids — how would you know? I don’t know and I don’t care.

Wait a second. So being gay is pretty much like being a pedophile, and you’re totally cool with working with both the gays and the pedophiles, as long as you don’t know about it? Dude, there are so many wrong things there that you should get some sort of prize just for being that stupid.

You’re probably not surprised to hear that he pivots from teh gheys to a pretty standard “I don’t see color” routine.

I grew up loving Richard Pryor, but I didn’t ask why I enjoyed someone who’s not white. There are probably a lot of Seahawks fans rooting on the best defense in the league, that’s all black, and they are white. They say Los Angeles is half Latino, and we need a mayor who represents us. Really? Isn’t he supposed to make the best policy, not represent your culture? It’s fucked up. We feel like we need one of you to represent your policy. I don’t feel like I need a comedian to represent me.

Is this the kind of trenchant analysis and superior wit that keeps people coming back to his inexplicably popular podcast, because that is some Fox News level thinking. “White people like black sportsball players and I liked Richard Pryor, therefore QED ipso facto racism does not exist!” Usually we have to sit down at the holiday dinner table with one of our uncles to get this sort of deep derping.

As this particular portion of yr Happy Wonk family is homosexxican, we are owed some reward for keeping Adam Carolla down. Baked goods would be lovely, but cash is always appreciated. You’re welcome.

[Salon]

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  • Ellen Hopf

    “Or all that comedic, for that matter.” Ohhh, it’s been plenty comedic methinks, but not in the way I imagine he intended.

  • Ellen Hopf

    …”gender one can see, if one wanted to discriminate.”Is that so Mr. Carolla? Good to know these things.

  • Homestar

    What a fucking idiot. Dude, you are a white guy. You have thousands of people in government representing you. How does that not occur to him? Fuck Adam Corolla. Seriously.

    • Fare la Volpe

      Notice that he doesn’t define himself as a white guy. He defines himself as a comedian. That’s one of the more pernicious aspects of ethnocentrism: the belief that your type of people is the default, and everyone else is just an “other.”

  • Jason M

    Have some pity, Adam must look at Jimmy Kimmel’s success and cry into his pillow each and every night.

  • Brendan_M

    Wait, Adam Corolla is a homophobe? But wasn’t “The Man Show” a homo-erotic all-male variety show or am I misremembering it?

    • BouncyFlyer

      So “The Man Show” wasn’t just an act? Those were his real feelings? Figures.

    • denton310

      corolla’s still mad kimmel go a show, adam thought he was the star

  • gratuitous

    Don’t miss this angle: Racism doesn’t exist because Corolla likes black comedians, but if you would like a mayor from the majority population of L.A., then . . . YOU’RE THE REAL RACIST!Wotta burn on everyone else, amirite?

  • Rebecca Gardner

    Who’s Adam Corolla and why is a car named after him?

    • He’s named after the car. It’s the only funny thing he’s ever done or said.

  • ButchWagstaff

    Adam, the gays in the entertainment industry prefer to work with those who have talent.

  • Where do I send my check?

  • whomakestherules

    As a gay man, I can laugh at a gay joke that’s funny and not mean-spirited. Lisa Lampanelli is funny, Adam Corolla not so much.

  • Duckler

    “They’re coming to get you, Barbara..”