RAW FEED: 1/23/2015 General update v-log

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZiliHWl7XEo

Just a chance to tell with my own words what is going on these days and what I have been delayed.

GG and fellow female gamer reviewers mentioned… sorry.

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  • danbreunig

    Just when you’d think the shit couldn’t hit close to home…

    I’ve learned of what’s been happening with these communities mostly from afar and through posts here and elsewhere. And I’ve heard and seen the most insane conclusions and claims brought on by what never should have been a clusterfuck in the first place. I think you’ve described in ten minutes now what neither extreme could touch or admit in this last year, and I applaud you Sofie for not caving in to forced perspectives from either side.

    You just keep making your videos at whatever pace is comfortable for you, and with whatever subjects you want to enjoy and discuss. I’d find that the greatest proof of strength, sticking to your common decency and sense while talking about what’s enjoyable to you, opinions and even expectations (hopefully not this current written opinion, though) from these extremes be damned. You have plenty of friends here. We’ll keep watching, however frequent.

    Stay strong, silly, and Dane. Stay You.

    • Sofie Liv

      It really was quite insane to suddenly be attacked like that on Facebook, it shocked me greately.

      What specifically happened was that I called Anita Sarkeesian “A problematic figure in gaming showcasing con artist behaviour.”

      That’s what I called her, litterately the worst I called her, in a post about how I felt like this entire mess is much more complicated and nuanced than people will let on.

      And maybe I am wrong, maybe I am dead wrong, that Sarkeesian does in fact not use any con artist tricks. (Though evidence is starting to pill up against her, concrete evidence even, and she has been caught numerous times now in taking things out of context, blowing them up and being gennerally ill informed about games. Downright creating problems where there is none and thusly dividing the gamer community, hurting it far more than making it any good.)
      Still though, maybe I was wrong, maybe I was dead wrong, all I have are afterall, just vidoes, twitters feeds, numbers and rumours… I don’t know, I can only have my suspecions.

      How-ever, whether I am wrong or not… It just stopped mattering the moment they began to put those aligations towards me.
      Women and men using the feminist hash tag, downright mocking me, taking my words and twisting them around to make it sounds like I wish rape upon anyone.
      I could not give any constructive critism without it at ones being turned around by others and them making it out to I wish rape upon someone… when that is in fact untrue.
      And it went on and on and on and on. I tried to defend myself and explain myself, I tried to twist and bend to understand these people. but they would not listen, first afterwards as I had fellow friends and some boothers look at it, could they tell me that I had in fact said nothing wrong, and it were those people whom had group attacked me. That Lindsay Elis, the Nostalgia Chick herself suddenly came and attacked me to, that made me scared… so very very scared.
      People, fellow boothers and fans has been so kind to me, it has meant so much to me to hear it, because I genuinely began to doubting myself, second guess my own words. I shed genuine tears and had a anxeity fit.
      It was not a pleasent exsperience at all.

      Yet again, all those whom actually knows me. They all know I would never ever wish such a thing, and that I would never even threaten someone with rape or any such things because… I would never do that.
      I make it a point never to resort to personal insult or threats, because I myself believe it is childish and if it does anything, it is to distract from any original point being made.

      And ones again, this just shows to me… how messed up this has all become.

      The Gamergaters are not right… god know they are not right!
      But that doesn’t mean that feminist frequency is in the right either…. two wrongs… doesn’t make a right…

      And yet the facts are so vague and few that no one truly knows what is going on… all we have… are interpretations, and people take those interpetations and make fully fledged religious agendas out of it. Of course not religious, but you know what I mean… Agendas!
      …. It’s really bloody creepy…. Very scary.

      Don’t worry, I don’t intend to change at all, nor change my attidude, I don’t think that would do anyone any good. It would just add even more to the problem.
      I intend to just… well… keep going do what ever it is I do.. be my own person.. follow my own common sense… don’t join a cult. Maybe start my own, but not join others. It was a joke.

      I’m not here to spread misery, propaganda or hate… I’m here… to entertain.. to make people smile.. to go on exploration, to have fun. That was my goal going in, and it’s damn straight the goal I have now.
      We NEED people being more calm and relaxed and down to earth, we NEED people whom can show this is in fact possible.
      So I intend to stay that way! Laying here with a cat on my stomach, a glass of red wine in my right hand a chocolate in my left, because I like chocolate!

      Thank you, sorry for the ramble, but as you can hear… it does take up a lot of head space in me these days :/

      • Mike

        Sofie I must commend your courage and willingness to try staying level headed in the face of such ugly and totally needless attacks on your character. And better still for not catering to the “you know I’m right” attitude of either side.

        I confess to not knowing much about the video games in general or this recent controversy in particular, but the war of words seems all too familiar. In one sense, it’s the latest manifestation of ideological split between women’s group over the role of sex in culture. On a larger level this kind of fiery destructive bulling can be found in any divisive issue. Jim Emerson wrote something on Roger Ebert.com about so-called “moral equivalence” several years ago summed up my thought on the matter beautifully.

        He wrote:
        “The term “moral relativism” (or “moral equivalence”) has always fascinated me because of its slipperiness — its moral relativism, if you will. The way the term is used in politics these days (by Israelis and Palestinians, conservatives and liberals, Christians and Muslims, and so on), it can mean one thing or its opposite, depending on who’s using it and what they’re trying to justify.

        What it boils down to, in popular rhetorical discourse, is the moral equivalent of a five-year-old’s finger-pointing: “But they started it!” and “What they did was worse!” This creates an inescapable and illogical ideological loop, wherein each new assault is justified by a previous one (or fear of a future one) that attempts to even the score but never, ever does, since it is always used to rationalize the next reprisal. It’s always a matter of “self-defense” in the minds of the perpetrators.*

        This ever-escalating tit-for-tat is, in fact, moral relativism at its most insidious, because it posits that there is no objective right or wrong. Something is considered moral or immoral depending on who does it and when, rather than on the nature of the act itself and its consequences — whether unintended ones, or the intended kind that pave the road to hell.”

        • Mike

          Please excuse some spelling errors and the link highlighted not providing the right website. The full article can be read here: http://www.rogerebert.com/scanners/moral-relativism-and-a-mighty-heart-and-july-4

        • Sofie Liv

          That entire description… sounds eerily correct….

          I shouldn’t be surprised as in… at all.
          But yeah, that’s interesting, very interesting. Thank you, i’ll read the article when I have the time… I should really sleep right now.

          Man, I am learning so many new fancy words these days! “Objectivism.” “Moral Relativism.” “Tokenism.”

          Wow! There are MANY ways to be an ass-hat and make it sound all educated and smart o_O

          Objectivism has of course NOTHING to do about this debate, it’s just a new word I learned while studying up on Bioshock and well, I studied a bit of objetivism as well, trying to understand it a bit and so on for the sake of being able to discuss Bioshock probably.

          But yeah, all in all, I shouldn’t be surprised at all that this is in fact an old pattern that has happened many times over the decades regarding different things.

          As many people has pointed out, when ever a group forms whom has a goal, and grows large enough… extremists will start to appear either as part of the group or as a branch of the group. And that’s when things start to get ugly.
          Extremism, no matter the original good and pure intend, is never good.

          This is a part of history. It has happened with Christianity, any religion really, political parties, group meetings and well… it’s just posion.

          And the sad thing being that 90% percent of people in these groups will be good people whom can be reasoned with, are willing to listen and learn. and are not extremists, then that last 10% just comes, and are extremely loud and obnoxious, and fucks it all up… It’s sad really… really sad.

          That 10% percent of gamers can fuck it all up so badly and 10% of feminists does it to.

          Extremism is just that…. never ever good… it’s insanity. No matter where it originally came from :/

          • Miike

            Sofie I’ve been thinking about what this post and what you’ve written here for a while now. I kind of knew what I wanted to say, but I wasn’t sure how to say in a way that go off on a tangent. So I’m sorry I couldn’t get this out sooner.

            I’m often envious of the kind of work that people on sites like this one and get to do and at such a young age sometimes. I do love to talk and write about art and entertainment with whoever I think will listen and seems like it would be great to have a forum to do that on regular basis. But moments like this are a painful reminder that this kind of position can come with a step price. It’s humbling because it’s reminder that you may not feel any more at ease with your ability in writing and performing when you have an audience as when you don’t. There can be a lot of pressure either way.

            But even when it comes to just writing or talking about stuff you like in general, it is intimidating to know just how personally some people can take these issue and how difficult it can be to avoid setting some people off. As Lewis Lovehag pointed out in his History of Power Rangers series, while it can be easy to look at the extreme reactions in fandom and thinks fans are the worst kind of people, the truth is we’re all passionate about something whether it’s books, sports, or any that can only us to escape are troubles or find new ways of dealing with them. Still, there seems to be a stigma for fans of all kinds. Sometimes I don’t even like to use the word to describe myself (preferring friend or admirer) because it’s really sort for “fanatic.” I think that’s really what your talking about when you brought up going to extremes before: being fanatical.

            Of course most fans are really not all that fanatical, even if they are passionate. And even if we all be prone to too strong a reaction when we hear some were passionate about criticized (whether that criticism is fair or not), most of us would not be too quick to assume those critics are a threat to lives or non-essentional things we do with them. Yet there always remains the risk that you’ll attract those who are fanatics when you try to offer your own criticism even if your trying to be fair and online social media has only made the odds of this happening even worse.

            This is why I don’t write on site like this as often as use to and when I didn’t become a member of Disqus (sorry if that’s spelled wrong). I don’t know if I’m ready to deal with the potential blowback. But even outside the internet it’s hard to now sometimes how to properly address certain subjects of debate even when you think your well informed and have something to contribute. Even when the focus is on entertainment it’s sometimes very difficult to separate art from politics and when the political, religious, or social groupings are so far apart on the subject it can be hard to now what to say without getting sucked into a shouting match.

            I now see despite my best efforts of already go on too long without given an example yet of how of experienced what I’m talking about. So I’m going to just post this now if you didn’t find TL: DNR, than yet me now if you’d like me to go on with something more concrete as applied to the subject of debates over whats good or bad in entertainment (and gender roles in particular). Hopefully that post will be shorter.

          • danbreunig

            Mike, I think you explained yourself really well here in your post(s), even without concrete example. I know exactly what you’re talking about because I share the same feelings, and they’re close to home for me.

            You don’t even need to be an online personality to live with the difficulties–it can be as simple as hiding yourself away during a break at work or while sitting at a bar, never breathing a word about your nerd interests while your peers discuss sports stats.

            Although presenting yourself online increases the risk of hostilities exponentially. I also know the feeling of trying to be supportive of your artists without getting them or yourself sucked into the fanatic influence. Or even just expressing your own personal opinions, perspectives, or even interests–even at this site I get nervous sometimes expressing myself, while a few other times I’ve spilled my guts because of how passionate I was about the subject, although I made it a point to not do so at the expense of someone else. That fear, though, just reflects the danger of putting yourself out there, for anything. You risk heartbreak enough when you open your heart to the world through your creativity. You don’t need your livelihood and very life threatened as well because others are afraid that your perspective is an attack on theirs.

            I understand your envy as well, about how some of us both create and perform, even just *getting to* create and perform, also at a younger age (I’m older than most people here, especially Boothers), but what’s that envy worth when those creating and performing because they want to reach out and connect, are torn down by those who are too afraid to reach out and connect? It’s my own creative priority: I want to relate and belong, not fight and compete. For me the real tragedy for those who succeed in online attacking isn’t only about *winning*, but that it may take much too long before they eventually realize how shallow and transient that victory may be.

            I’m proud of you guys, Sofie, Magdalen, Yulia, and Co. for standing your ground for your own beliefs and opinions, and more so for bringing these issues to light through your own experiences. Sometimes the greatest opinion you may have to offer is none at all (especially when you don’t have all the facts in order to even form an opinion), or one that’s C instead of the expectant A or B. And for that, we get the proverbial big kids on the playground closing in on the one kid who prefers to play by him/herself, because they can’t handle that some kids are happiest left to their own devices, instead of being on one team or another.

            We’ll all last as long as we don’t turn our passions about our interests into weapons, because we assume others’ interests are weapons upon our own interests.

          • Sofie Liv

            Well… Honestly.
            When you come right down to it, what I do and what so many others do… it’s not even that special.
            the reality is that any idiot with a video camera and a editor programme to do it and well.
            I am really just an idiot with a video camera and a editors programme, that’s all that I am!
            I’m not some sort of accomplished artist nor do I have any credentials as a journalist what so ever, I am not a researcher, not an exspert, not the person whom is going to safe the world or throw it into despair.
            As the Doctor so nicely put it…. I’m just an idiot.

            He’s just an idiot with a magic box, i’m just an idiot with a computer, same difference.

            And there are a ton of people I am deadly jalouse of to, yeah also on the enternet.

            I am so jalouse of the Star Kids! What they have done is exactly what I wish I could do, I think their musicals are amazing! The humour, the parody aspect, the music, the self awareness.. Oh my goodness! Now that’s dedication and skill.

            I admit it, sometimes I am jalouse of them and wish I could be in a similar project.. fuck sometimes I am jalouse of those whom actually manages to my full blown movies and wish I could be in it to.

            But I wouldn’t go to war over them. What they did was their archievement and a extremely admirable one.

            To create something like that is hard, it’s very difficult, I know that because I have done some life theatre plays myself, and from scratch to.

            But yeah, then suddenly you find yourself in a spot where you somehow managed to project a picture different from reality… And some seems to take that into heart.

            That I am some sort of super important journalist when ones again… really… I’m just an idiot with a camera.. in my small very not glamourus appartment, scraping by in my real life, living from month to month on the money I got.. I make no money on enternet videos, that’s just a hobby.

            To being on the enternet really is like being in no mans land and people tend to take what you said and just run with it, making their own interpretations, taking it out of context and blowing up your image for you.

            What I realised is that… I can say things, I can create stuff and put it out there.. But really. Ones it is out there. It’s actually out of my hands!

            I’ve written fictional stories, and sometimes readers has come back to me with interpretations I never even intended or thought about… Still though it’s out of my hands! I already released the story, it came from me but is now living a life on its own which I have no control over.

            Same way I have little control over the meanings people take from my words or their exsperience in their homes.. It’s out of my control.

            And all I can do is well… try to not let it bother me to much and just do the thing I enjoy.

            Which is to be an entertainer, that’s the one thing I always wanted to be and wished to be.

            And that I sort of kind of am now.. I feel like that’s an accomplishment in of itself 🙂

          • danbreunig

            [tips hat] The very fact that you’re here, doing what you want, getting to do want you want, spreading your joy and knowledge and wisdom, influencing so many others for the better, and remaining strong and humble all the while is the solid proof of already living the dream. That in itself is making it.

          • JD

            probably less then 10%
            more like 1%

      • danbreunig

        This is all just so…. May I be allowed to offer an internet hug from afar?

        I haven’t been communicating online for a while now, and I haven’t even been on Facebook recently (I’m still trying to get used to it, as well as finding a decent picture to put up–I’d have one already if I had a better camera and were more of a looker :/ ) — so I knew nothing about the recent shitstorm until this video. You basically repeated yourself in your comment here, but now reading this too, I see just how extensive the damage is.

        As far as poisonous internet attacks go (and it happens here even at AB, Magdalen was harassed again by a seemingly regular attacker after her latest article, and I *think* that commentator got banned, I’m sure you may remember)–

        We all really need some catching up on just simple Golden Rule mentality. It’s the same principle whether coming from Martin Luther King or Johnny Oldschool (I’ve heard it from both, and several others too):

        *Stop hating each other where you disagree, and reach out and connect where you do agree.* That’s it.

        What’s tragic is that we even have this mass problem at all. And what amounts to fear that some peoples’ preconceived notions on how others of certain groups *must* react, or which perspectives *must* be accepted, and won’t let it go but instead attack through pressure…

        I don’t have solid answers or arguments, except for what I just said here. And the extremes can’t win or simply be at peace because they won’t take a moment to reach out.

        That’s me rambling now.

        So Sofie, I’m sorry you got pulled through this battle you didn’t involve yourself in, and more so because of the added anxiety coming from it. As far as I’m concerned, you succeed in bringing joy and perspective because you blaze your own path–so few of us do, or even can. (Fortunately this site has such folks.) With whatever moral support I can offer, keep doing what you’re doing as you do it. If either side of the mass problem insists you must be either A or B, you’ll be much more true to yourself and the world if you be your own C, D, E, P, X, 53… I think you get my point: please don’t give in to the attackers. Win by staying on your course of bringing joy to unite, instead of hate or fear to divide. Talk about positive aspects of games.

        …all I’m envious about right now is that I haven’t had a sweet red wine in a long time.

        And Mike, you make some excellent social theories in your post and link(s) of why this happens. It’s just got to stop now.

        • Sofie Liv

          My heart actually kind of goes out to these people now when all has calmed down and I am doing fine again.

          I mean, for them to take my comment as a genuine attack and feel the need to defend themselves.. because that’s what happened.
          I was scared and confused for a few days… Those people, they must be so scared to be that defensive… All the time!

          Every hour, every day, every month! To think to be that scared, for so long, that when I put up a comment they most defend themselves against me, the least dangerous thing there ever so to be found on the enternet.
          Seriously, even if I did spew out threats every second… which I don’t… I’m just a little danish girl, living on the other side of the globe.. making my own thing here.
          What about me is so scary that they need to defend themselves from me?!
          They must be really scared and really freaked out…. I feel sorry for them, I hope they’ll be okay one day.

  • Oh no! A person has a quiet and multifaceted opinion on an issue. ATTACK HER UNTIL SHE PICKS A EXTREME! *face palms* Just hang in there, Sensei, they’ll back off eventually. And if not, I’LL always have your back.

    • Sofie Liv

      This exsperience has in fact been very humbling to me in that way that.
      There were a few people attacking me, it was scary because of how relentless they were. I even began to doubt my word and doubt myself… which is what freaked me so much out.

      How ever there have TONS of people having my back… That is the absolutely overwhelming part.
      That so many people would stand up for me and support me.

      To know that are that many people out there actually caring… that’s very humbling to me. I know I have a power over some people now.. because of my position and what I say and well… I am taking that very seriously.
      I do make mistakes, sometimes I am wrong, and sometimes I do damage, even if unintended.. I am no better than the next human being.

      But at least I have to try to be as good as I can be and be as open as I can be while trying to learn.. seems to be to be the only right thing to do in this position. No matter how many of few people are listening to me taking my words that seriously.